Us Black Girls go through many things that not everyone understands. Here are some things that I came up with. Not saying that women of other races don’t go through some of these things. For all of my black girls in the world. In no specific order but if you can relate then put them in an order that comes to mind for you.
19. Being in college forever. -For some strange reason, we think that it’s a crime to be in college longer than 4 years. Of course that’s the ultimate goal but it may or may not plan out that way. Freshman year we’re so excited about being away from home that we bs’ed the whole year partying and staying out late so we have to play catch up next year or gather up some money for summer school. You were in school for two years and realized that that’s not what you want to do for the rest of your life. So you changed your major a few times. It’s not a big deal as long as your goal is to reach the finish line. But if you’re in school still living a carefree life like your Freshman days then that’s a problem.
18. Career paths/After college -You graduate and you’re on cloud 9 until you realize that you’re really done with college. You went to school for International Business but you don’t have a job lined up for you yet. So you have the college blues and wishing you were still there. You finally walk across the stage and when you get home you realized that you learned absolutely nothing at your institution. You don’t know much about the field you stayed up all night studying for. Use what you did learn towards what you know you want to do. Think about all the things you didn’t learn and create it. There are no rules as to what you can’t do after you graduate so make your own.
17. Being at a standstill in life -As you’re looking around, you see all of your peers making power moves and you feel like you’re not doing anything. Don’t believe that! Things might be working faster for others but that doesn’t mean that you’re moving slow. Patience is the key! If you feel like you’re at a standstill in life then do something about it. Don’t compare your life to everyone else’s! That’s only going to stress you out even more. Keep grinding and your chance will come.
16. Spending money -At the age of 24, some may or may not have as much financial responsibilities as other 24 years olds. Not every 24 year old is making $2000 every two weeks. Some may barely make $900 bi-weekly. It’s not a crime to splurge on yourself as long as you spend wisely. You don’t always have to buy yourself something every time you get paid or when you have that sudden urge to spend. You never want to work all these hours and pick up overtime and don’t have nothing to show for it. Not saying that building your bank account isn’t a goal but don’t feel guilty about treating yourself once in awhile after taking care of your financial responsibilities first. Treat yourself don’t cheat yourself!
15. About things we can’t control -This is self-explanatory. When things are out of our control we literally stay up all night thinking about it. Stress out about it and have this unsettling feeling in our chest and stomach. Don’t worry and don’t stress! Things are going to work out for you!
14. Networking -You might be the type that is socially awkward or may not have that personality that makes you stand out in crowds. Try to be the opposite of what you’re use to. Command the room and don’t be afraid. There may be some very important companies and CEOs that you can work with. Sale yourself and not your soul. You never know the people you may come across that can help you put a foot in the door or you never know who may have the same goals as you! Don’t be afraid of meeting potential business partners. Be confident about the potential moves you are trying to make when you say it.
13. Starting over -This can go for a millions things. You may want to be an Author, a girl who is freshly out of a 4 years relationship, and many more things to name. There’s a thing called “killing your babies”. Not literally but if your writing a book, don’t be afraid of deleting a page or ten. You can’t limit your ideas because you want to be lazy. For that girl who is freshly out of a relationship, starting over doesn’t mean getting into a new relationship. It just means that you have to restart your life without this person; and that’s okay. The page will come and that perfect guy will soon be yours.
12. Being the only black girl in the crowd/work -I remember being at school and being either the 1 out of 3 black person in the class or the only black girl in the class. At times I felt like I would be judged or frowned upon for actually knowing what I was talking about. You are a smart black girl with so much to say. Never feel like you have to hide in the background because you’re the minority. Take advantage of being the only black girl! You already have everyone’s attention anyway so why not show off in a positive way? Be that black girl that your coworkers come straight to for answers!
11. Natural hair -Frizzy and curly hair has been the talk for centuries but for the past 5 years, its been at an all time high. White people don’t understand and sometimes not even our own men. Researching and looking on YouTube are very helpful but you have to realize that certain products won’t work for your hair and that’s okay! Trial and error. I remember being told by a former boss that I can’t wear my natural hair to work. I normally don’t wear my natural hair because my curl pattern is all over the place but damn; was that in the ‘Employee Handbook’ or was it a rule she just made up because she has money to get her hair done every week? Embrace your natural hair black girls. Ignore the stares and if some white girl ask you “Can I touch it?” charge her.
10. Looking like a loner/not having a lot of friends -Honestly, it’s really a girl thing. We find ourselves saying “I don’t have a lot of girl friends”, “Girls bring too much drama”, “I have more guy friends than girl friends”, or this one, “I have to keep my circle small”. Black girls, just stop it. No matter how many times you say this, having girl friends are important. Not saying that you have to have ten best friends but if you want to do something you don’t have at least three people to call then that says something. Be a great friend so you can have great friends. Don’t feel like a loner just because you don’t have a lot of friends! That doesn’t mean that you are a mean person, you just have to be open to making new friends.
9. Body weight -Society influences the way we think we should look whether we like to admit it or not. If you’re not satisfied with your weight then do something about it! Whether it’s going to the gym, strict dieting, weight loss surgery, etc. Make sure every decision is a healthy decision. If you have booty, flaunt it! Don’t feel ashamed but don’t be one of those girls twerking for 15 seconds for Instagram.
8. Holidays -We never realize how lonely or how bad we are failing until the holidays. You don’t get that New Year’s kiss, sending yourself flowers on Valentine’s Day, no matching Halloween costumes with bae, no one special coming to Thanksgiving or you visiting their family, and no Christmas gifts from that special guy. When you earned all Cs’ at the end of the semester in your core classes and everyone wants to know what you got. This happens to all of us and we don’t have to be black. Black families are sooooooo different in situations like this. If you’re a black girl then you know what I’m talking about.
7. Dealing with no good N@#$as! -All guys have their tendencies no matter the race but there’s something about a N.G.N that sets them apart. Us black girls had our fair share of them. All men lie but the degree of the lie is on such a high level. I remember a friend telling me that her beaux couldn’t talk to her as much because he was pledging a frat. He wasn’t pledging AT ALL. That lie can work with a girl who doesn’t know anything about that stuff but COME ON, REALLY? The saying “Stop stressing over Dequan and get you a Tom” is so true! Not saying that a white man can do a better job because there are a lot of wonderful black men. There are black men named Tom. Black girls can do so much better when choosing guys to love! If you know he’s not sh*t, leave him! What’s the point of staying around?
6. Being single forever -Growing old and being alone is something we fear especially being a black girl. All of the stereotypes of us being an “Angry Black Girl” or the reason why we can’t get or keep a man is because we don’t know how to treat them. Ummm, maybe because you don’t know how to treat her. I’m not single, but I rather be single forever than to settle. You might be single but you won’t be single forever! You can still get back out there whether it’s after a terrible break up or if you’re 60. Take control over your love life! Even if you die single, die happy! Don’t be that a cat lady.
5. Sex life -You may feel like you haven’t been intimate in awhile even if it has been a month. Black girls are so clueless about this life. We think that if we’re not getting any then something is wrong with us. That’s not all the way true. You can still have a man but your sex life isn’t what you want it to be. You’re not always going to be in the mood. I say my fellow black girls; take charge of it! If you want it, get it. Doesn’t mean you have to sleep with every guy you meet nor doesn’t it mean that you always have to give it to your man every time he asks you. Take control!
4. Dating -Why are black girls scared of dating? Probably somewhere along the lines of feeling like the next man isn’t good enough. Why do taken girls out of nowhere have a sudden urge to want to date? Simply because majority of them never got a chance to. The single black girl is always going to compare the new guy to her ex whether it’s negative or positive. Tragic. The taken black girl is so use to being in a long and committed relationship that she never gotten a chance to date. Even if she had a guy that she was “talking” to, she still only dated him. Why is that? 9 times out of 10 we never date around. Newsflash black girls, you are SINGLE. If you’re not being intimate with them, date around! Taken black girls; if you ever feel the urge of dating while you’re in a relationship, take a break from him/her. Explore, I promise you may like the freedom or it will make you realize how much you love your significant other.
3. Exes moving forward & upward -Depending on how bad the breakup was, always determines your feelings about how he moved on. We always compare and contrast what we have and what we don’t have. We can be in a happy relationship and still wonder what she has that you don’t. It’s normal. What I will say black girls, don’t worry what the hell he’s doing and who he’s doing it with. Respect the fact that he moved on. The only way you’ll feel as if he “glo’d up” is if you believe that he did. No need to bash him or his new beaux. It is quite funny to do that in the beginning but if you’re still doing this after 2 years or even less then you’re probably low-key jealous. Looks doesn’t matter and where she’s at in her life/career doesn’t have anything to do with you! Worry about YOU and how you and your man are doing.
2. Getting engaged/married -Around the ages 23-27, is the peak of engagements. We feel like our relationships should be well established by the age of 24 and should hopefully get a ring by our 25th birthday. There are so many people and friends around us getting engaged so we feel like damn, is my time ever going to come? Yes, it will. Sadly, we have to wait for the man to propose to us. We can have long conversations with our man about getting married but if we had a choice, we would get engaged tomorrow. My ass will not be that desperate to get on one knee to marry a man just because everyone else around me are. The pressure is so real!! I feel like it’s a race nowadays. Take your time with bae. He knows you’re the one. Your bridesmaid days will soon be over.
1. Being an old Mother -Majority of our parents were 18-23 years old when they had us. As we get older and older we start to get baby fever. That isn’t a bad thing at all. Being a Mom is a wonderful thing no matter the age. Stop calculating how old you’re going to be when your child turns 18. That doesn’t matter! You’re going to be the best mommy when that time comes. Besides, black doesn’t crack anyway; they’ll probably think you’re his sister!
Black girl out,
Shanella B
ablackgirlstale 