Ring? Is That You Playa?!

I am a little late but Happy New Year! This post is long overdue!! I’m talking about the ‘E’ word; ENGAGEMENT. Holidays (between Thanksgiving to New Years), may seem like the loneliest time for those who don’t have a man and for those who do have one but is waiting for their boyfriend to make the only logical “next” step, which is proposal. I’ve just seen so many proposals left and right and I’m just like…one day.

Not saying that it could never happen though. I’m realizing that I’m at the age now where everyone is ready to settle down and have a family. There’s nothing wrong with that. I do applaud those who are going about it the right way like engagement, marriage, and children! No judgement there. I’m at the age where I’m juggling what I want. At times I want to get married and start a family and at times where I just want to be a girlfriend forever. I can’t lie, if my boyfriend proposed to me right now, I would say yes! But for ALL of the right reasons.  I would never want him to feel pressured or obligated because I want it to be genuine and well thought out. I’m coming up on my 26th year of life this year and there’s a lot of things that I still haven’t accomplished yet as a woman.  I used to think being 25 was so old to not be at least married with my first child.  Then I realized that some may not be ready to settle down until they are in their 40s’.  I have seen relationships/marriages fail because they moved entirely too fast and sometimes it doesn’t have nothing to do with their age. You just can’t rush into something you wasn’t ready for. Some may have a miserable life or some are actually living the life they’ve always imagined with someone else.

There’s also nothing wrong with marrying young. If you know that you found the one and that’s the one you want to spend the rest of your life with; why not settle down?  There’s no point of looking for something that you want when it’s already there. In my opinion, I feel like once a couple is engaged that that doesn’t mean that everything between them are perfect. There are still things for them to work on together and individually but it’s the fact that he chose her to join him on that journey. You’re going to be learning new things about each other on a different level just off the strength that this is the person you’re going to be marrying. That’s exciting to me. I want to be 110% ready on all aspects when I get married. See that I said married and not engaged. I want to know myself as a woman, have an amazing career that I love, and most importantly have the best relationship with God.  The mutual desire to grow TOGETHER is what I want. I’m not saying that a couple has to faithfully go to church every Sunday and go to bible study every Thursday to prove that they are ready to get married. There are Pastors and First Ladies who have been together for 30+ years and are unfaithful. Even if your significant other isn’t that religious doesn’t mean that they can’t take baby steps. If you pray for the him/her and the growth of the relationship then it’s only up from there. It’s never too late to work on your relationship during your process from being a Fiance’ to a Wife/Husband. I want to transform into a totally different, but yet, the same person he fell in love with.  For those who are ready to move forward with their relationship, talk about where you both see yourselves with each other in ___ years.  Always be willing to talk about the future even if you’re afraid of the awkwardness.  He/She may or may not see you in his or her future.  She/He needs to know how you feel.  For those who are living the single life but wants to settle down, just wait on the Lord.  There has to be a reason why some of your relationship are failing.  Don’t put a time or age on love for those who are and aren’t in relationships!  You’re time will come soon enough.  Just know that God is not going to throw a man at you that’s not ready for your love and know that he won’t rush you into something UNLESS he’s trying to teach you a LESSON!  Let’s agree to LOVE ourselves this year so we can learn how to LOVE our great Men!!  Stand tall my Sisters!  You will get your ring soon!

I’m going to end this post with 5 important things you should do and/or think about before you try to pressure him, decide to take the next step (the Guy), etc:

1.  Do you absolutely, positively, see yourself with him or her for the REST of your life? -That includes having children, accepting each other flaws and all, the FUTURE, etc?
2.  Why are you scared to take the next step? – Is it the fact that there are a lot of failed marriages around you?  Scared of growth and change?
3. Do you want a WEDDING or a MARRIAGE? -Do you want the glitz and glam and process of your dream wedding?  OR Do you want it to be a beautiful wedding but is ready for the LIFELONG COMMITMENT?
4. Where does both of you’s faith come from? -Who do you both believe in?  Do you both pray with and for each other?  Are you both living right?
5. ARE YOU READY?

 

Thank you Readers and I hope this post finds you well!!  Please feel free to share! =)

 

Black girl out,

 

Shanella B.

 

The lovely couple that is featured in my post is one of my very dear friends and her Fiance’ who will be getting married very very soon!